Okay, so here's the deal: in case you haven't noticed, I haven't written on here in over a month. And to be completely honest, there is no excuse other than the fact that I have had no time whatsoever to sit down & write a blog post. I've had ideas for posts & I've wanted to write them, but ya girl over here has just been too slammed with school & traveling & social stuff to be able to just sit &...write.
Since this is my first time in over a month back "behind the screen" talking to all of y'all, I decided to just make this about myself. I want to talk about one of my favorite things in the world (aside from The Office & baking): WORDS.
So if you have never met me in person or heard about me from someone else, you wouldn't know this, but I literally talk ALL the time. No, seriously. I can't shut up. It's like constant word vomit. I've tried not talking so much over the years but honestly every time I do that, I just think of more that I need to say or want to get out. I think that's part of the reason why I started a blog. I was already talking so much out loud that I had to get some of my other feelings & words out in a new way, right?
Along with talking 24/7 & blogging, I also write songs (because why not add another way to use words to my pile!). Writing songs is something that I have loved to do since I was in the fourth grade. I grew up pouring my emotions into music. Sometimes it would be with other artist's songs but most of the time, my younger self would just pour them all into her composition notebooks and guitar strings. Through the years, I've seen myself grow so much with my writing.
When I was in high school, I think I lost my songwriting voice for a while. It wasn't necessarily the fact that I didn't have a voice; I just couldn't find it. I got to college and started to hear other songwriters talk about where they find their inspiration. I heard their stories, their songs, their passion. Through all of that, I found MY voice. My writing became more transparent & it started to become me rather than who I was trying to be like.
I found a quote on Pinterest this past week that said this:
" When you're a kid, you color with reckless abandon. You cool outside the lines. You color however you feel. Blue elephants, purple trees, red bears, green oceans- it's all good. As you get older, though, everyone tells you to stay inside the lines, to color everything just like you see it. You end up paining by numbers- whether you actually paint or whether you write or sing or dance or act or direct. I think you should create what you feel. Create outside the lines. I want to watch green oceans & red bears. I'd love to listen to purple trees. And I long to read blue elephants."
This quote hit me HARD, y'all. For so many years, I was trapped inside the "paint-by-numbers" box. I thought that I had to create based on what was popular or what others were wanting to hear. I figured that if I didn't create something that the masses would want, then it wasn't good enough. Through all of this, the doubt started to creep in & I felt myself shutting down. I had lines to songs that would be stuck in my head & after putting them in my notes, I never went back to do anything with them. If I started a song, I could never find what I wanted to say.
Putting yourself in a box can be a dangerous thing, especially for us as creatives; We NEED the freedom to express whatever we want! Once I got to college & started seeing how open & transparent so many writers and artists were with their words & their craft, I started to think that maybe it was okay to be completely myself with my writing & my music. Maybe I could say exactly what I was feeling & maybe, just maybe, someone would listen & enjoy it.
My writing may not be perfect. My paintings may be a little outside of the lines, my photos can be a bit blurry, & my words may get jumbled every once in a while, but my feelings are the same. Every emotion I pour into my art is now ME- and I like where it's heading.